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On the perfect anything

By March 9, 20104 Comments3 min read

So my friend Erica O’Grady wrote an inspired post the other day outlining her “Perfect Man.” It got me thinking of a few things, one being whether or not it was a good idea for me to even touch upon the Perfect Woman idea, and the other being how much freaking flack would I get if I wrote it. So I thought about it some more, and figured, screw it, its a great exercise, and its not like I’m some misogynistic pig, I only joke around about that stuff j/k. (Also I am told this is exactly what the movie the ugly truth is all about)

I do have some issues with women (or men) making these defacto lists of what their perfect mate would be, namely that people think they cannot settle for someone who doesn’t adhere to the entire list, or that they can never attain someone close to their ideal. There is no perfect man or woman people. There I said it. We set ourselves up with crazy expectations and delusions when we set these lists up as rules and not guidelines. That being said, it is great to have things to strive for, and to know what one is looking for in life. I’d argue I really don’t know what I’m looking for yet, I have some ideas, but still need more experiences to fill out how I formulate my “bucket list” of life.

All that aside, here are some of the ideal qualities I’d like to see in a woman (note the use of the word IDEAL and not PERFECT):

  1. Not a project – (meaning I don’t have to “fix her”)
  2. Independent – I don’t want their life focusing on me, or depending on me. I want to complement, but not compose their life. I want to make her life better.
  3. Driven – Must want to excel in life, and improve
  4. Intelligent/challenging – I get bored very easily and need someone who can keep up with my conversations. They need to challenge my senses, keep me on my toes intellectually, call out my bullshit when necessary.
  5. Cultured/worldly – I don’t mean loving the opera, I mean at least being open to diversity and new experiences
  6. Adventurous – Back to #4, I get bored, and need to try new things, seek out new places.
  7. Active – I don’t want someone who just sits around all day. I do enough of that while working.
  8. Passionate – This isn’t a lust thing, but passionate about something that drives them, gets their gears going up there.
  9. Funny – Or at least have a great sense of humor.
  10. Thick skinned – Life is tough, I want someone who is aware of that. She doesn’t have to be tough, just not melodramatic about trivial things
  11. Stable (mentally) – I’m not good at dealing with crazy. Especially when its crazy for the sake of attention only.
  12. Stable (financially) – She doesn’t have to be rich, just have a career trajectory in mind. Having a professional plan is all I want.
  13. Able to be an extrovert and an introvert too – Sometimes I’m shy and need someone to balance me out, othertimes i need someone happy to sit back as I’m the center of attention
  14. Willing to compete – With me, or with others in life. I don’t want someone who lacks that fire inside them
  15. Makes up their own opinions – I want someone who comes to their own conclusions, not what they were fed blindly as a child. Also don’t agree with everything I say, I say dumb shit on PURPOSE to gauge reactions.
  16. Attractive – Do I really need to explain this?

So there you have it, a list of ideal qualities I’d like to see in a woman. Please take this with a grain of salt, as I firmly believe one shouldn’t go around making these lists and using them as shopping lists or grades. So what am I missing here? Should I not have put this out there?


  • ericaogrady says:

    Brian – I am so glad that you did this. Not only because I think it's brave for a man to be so candid about what he's looking for in a woman, but also because it's interesting to see what men really value. I love #2. I'd wager that at least 75% of the relationships I've seen and even participated in have been Co-Dependent at worst, and imbalanced at best. Independence and Mutual Respect are key to a healthy, balanced relationship.

  • I have some extra items that I will not share, but in general, I think this is an excellent list.

  • Gabbie says:

    I really like your list. Maybe add a few things:
    – Agrees with your interpretation of “in good times and in bad”…as in doesn't get jealous of you if things are going really well and doesn't abandon you when times are really tough. Conversely, someone who lets you share in their joy and sorrow rather than shut you out (and vice versa).
    – Shares the same commitment philosophy because sometimes there will be lull's in the relationship but you stay in it, committed, because you're just as sure that there will be good times again too.
    – AND you forgot to mention the absolutely insane 100 point scale we created over Thanksgiving break.tsss.

  • Maria Perez says:

    I second ericaogrady's sentiments – I think this is great. All of the items you list sound reasonable and are characteristics I would want in a companion.